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Posts Tagged ‘change’

different person?

I spent 4 years in NY. I loved the city, the energy, pretty much everything about it. I missed it after only a few days.

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I went back this past weekend & it all felt different. I honestly thought NY would always have that magic, but this time I just didn’t feel it.

I still love my friends, please don’t confuse the two. I had a great time with them, I just wasn’t feeling the city in the same way. Maybe it wasn’t the city’s fault, maybe my head was just in the wrong place. But I didn’t feel at home there. I couldn’t even imagine myself living there.

via pinterest

Why did I feel so out of place?

How did it feel right for so long?

Have I really changed that much?

Was I really a different person then?

Maybe the love will reemerge next time?

I hope.

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100% Rule

via lettheskybethemoment

we’re about to get a lil heavier than usual. cool?

ok then.
 

Back in college, I had this friend, a boy, that I was good friends with – read: huge secret crush on.   He was a good guy, fun, cute, blah. blah, blah..  and he needed me. I think that was the kicker,  why I was so into him.   He wanted my advice, my help, and when he needed to talk, I was who he called.

Then one day – I realized he made me feel crap, probably 90% of the time.   

I don’t remember what he did specifically that made me feel bad about myself, but it was there.  He knew how to play me. Yeah – I was the person he called, but probably because I came running.   I’m sure he did actually value my opinion and like spending time with me, but our friendship existed on his terms.  

Once you realize something like that, there is no turning back.  I had no idea why we were friends.  Why would I try so hard to hang out with someone who makes me feel that way? even worse why would I want to date him?! 

pause.           has he always made me feel bad?! we’ve been friends for years…   

and after a few cheap beers cocktails, WAIT! why would I want to hang out with someone who made me feel any less than awesome?!  right?  game over.

 

Enter the 100% rule. 

At the wise age of 20, I decided that I would only be friends with people who I feel good about 100% of the time.  

Realistically, most people don’t fall into that category. I wasn’t about to cut people out of my life, but I did take a serious look at which friendships I was putting effort into & just being more aware.

and yes – 100% is a bit extreme but it’s more about the mentality & awareness than a number.

Now – its 8 years later and I still keep that in the back of my mind. Its easy to keep doing what you’re doing but I try to make each decision for right reasons and surround myself with the best people possible. Needless to say, my friends are a phenomenal bunch and that guy – well..  I haven’t talked to him since college. 

 

Some people challenge us to be better versions of ourselves, while others just bring us down.  Who do you want to spend your time with?

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soo many veggies

once upon a time, not thaatt long ago, there wasn’t a single vegetable I would eat. I existed on bread, chicken and sugar, pretty much exclusively.
well apparently, that girl is gone.
tonight’s dinner – amazing. almost entirely veggies.

it was delicious.
salad – baby spinach, grape tomatoes, shredded mozzarella, walnuts, balsamic vinegar.
 giant sweet potato sliced up, sprayed with some PAM and sprinkled with garam masala.
(i actually had no idea what garam masala tasted like, but it was in the cabinet) SCORE.
veggies were necessary after having leftovers of last nights doughy deliciousness for lunch today. 
i’m fully slacking on running updates.  well because.. i’m slacking on running.  I ran a fantastic 4 miles on Friday and haven’t been out since.  fail.   but first 5K on saturdayyy. excited.
I did, however, break out the yoga dvd today & now I feel fantastic. really need to do it more often.
what ever happened to may flowers? april showers need to go.  and who knew boston was a crazy windy city?!  I need that to stop. annoyinggg.
lets fast forward to the part where its pretty and warmish spring. thankssss
oh! and the muffins I made last night. pretty good sans sugar. lil bit of peanut butter & makes for an excellent at work breakfast. 🙂

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explanations

i always feel the need to explain myself. im going to need to get over that

i want what i want and im moving the right direction. 
there’s a fine line between moving forward and moving away.

fact: finding a job takes time
hope: it happens soon
fact: i love new york
hope: i visit often
fact: boston will be lonely at the beginning.
hope: beginning wont last long
fact: my friends are the best
hope: they visit often

kind of.

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